The guy who doesn’t treat me well doesn’t want something serious with me. He usually also has one quality that makes him remarkably different from me; a sexy accent, a foreign culture, a career in something other than writing, but equally as creative as writing . Hell, the very fact that he’s bad is what makes him different from me, because I’m a pretty good girl. And we’re always attracted to those who are different from us, aren’t we?

Meeting Men

Typically the “nice guy” is trustworthy and dependable. Broadening your definition of what’s attractive invites new possibilities that may surprise you. If you are any other race, especially a black female, it does not apply.

Over the years, our perceptions of beauty have narrowed until the definition of attractiveness has become incredibly limited. It may take a little bit of patience to find something you appreciate visually about your partner. Maybe his eyes crinkle when he smiles or the way she talks with her hands is very graceful.

You can’t blame a woman for wanting to protect herself. Attraction can develop over time, so it’s wise to get to know a good man or woman before making any rash decisions – they might just surprise you. But if you’re sure there’s no spark there, it may be time to do the kindest thing for both of you, and agree to be ‘just good friends’. … is something you’ve said, on numerous occasions, to various people, justifying the fact that you aren’t completely sexually reprehensible. Emotionally unavailable partners may be evasive, make excuses, or be unable to talk about their feelings. For instance, when values are shared, an emotional connection starts to build.

He’s going to have to show up, be present, be authentic, and ignite my freaking bones with love and light in order for me to even consider a relationship, much less a proposal. Maybe it’s because I don’t believe in a fairy tale version of some guy is going sweep me off my feet and become the man of my dreams. The problem is… I really dunno how to be interested in men who do like me back, because those are usually… I dunno, boring? They give themselves over to me too quickly – or they are needy, clingy, desperate for sex… and I primarily want a man whom I could value.

I think if you believe guys don’t want you because you’re black it comes out somehow. Kinda like this article is saying, if you believe you’re not worth of the men you like it will come out. I’ll give an actual example of this; the other day, I was told by a coworker that a white coworker was interested in me. I was told that this man, after meeting me, had begun to talk about how pretty I was, my dimples, and how perfect my teeth were. It was quite flattering, and although, I know it means nothing as the man is perfectly married, a light bulb went off in my head. Seems to me that you are an understanding person.

He also isn’t really someone you can rely on—he doesn’t show up when you need help, and he generally has let you down more than once. He doesn’t say much about how he feels about you, and he doesn’t really do anything romantic or caring for you. You’re also nowhere to be seen on his social media, and he doesn’t really talk about you publicly with anyone.

Wendy James talks about black men denigrating black women, but I think that this issue is just a matter of what goes around, comes around with regards to black women. James talks of black male celebrities dating non-black women, but there are many black female celebrities who date non-black men, such as Paula Patten, Janet Jackson, Naomi Campbell and Diana Ross to name but a few. Many black male celebrities are married to or dating non-black women. Names like golfer Tiger Woods, basketball champ Kobe Bryant and billionaire and music mogul Dr Dre, who could contribute significantly to the black community and to black families, have chosen not to.

Beauty fades, but personality lasts

I’m 41 and I get grandpas and usually ugly guys to talk to me but the cute guys seem like they’re repulsed by me. I wish they didn’t sense my insecurities…this is the mist difficult thing to do! To be able to love myself and think highly of myself when the evidence shows to the contrary. My issue is that I only attract men who are already taken. Whenever I meet a guy and we are both attracted to one another, get on really well, have loads in common, flirt like crazy… a few hours/days/weeks he will mention he has a girlfriend/wife. By that point I’ve fallen for him and got my hopes up, so I get hurt.

Suppose you rate ‘handsome’ at a 10, fun loving at 7, respectful at 8, thoughtful of others at 6, a good kisser at 3, then add them all up. In this example, if I added right, the total is 36. The cons are he’s ‘controlling’ at -9, we just do what he wants -6, he puts down others -3, and I don’t like the kind of work he does -5. That determines which way we are leaning more heavily. Then look at how tolerable the negatives are for you. You get a hunch if you think you may want to see him again.

If you’re going to use an excuse, choose one that doesn’t leave room for arguing, and exit the conversation as soon as you give it. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. If a guy tells you directly that they don’t want a serious relationship, take them at their word.

With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good — more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen.

But we’ve all seen this before because relationships with different levels of attractiveness are fairly common in our society. Yeah, I got a lot of attention from the 20-something crowd looking for hookups, and the over-50 looking for someone younger, but the majority of men I dated were within 5 years +/- . And there were HUNDREDS of them messaging me. It’s not like I’m in NYC, either– I’m in the suburbs of medium-sized city in the mid-atlantic. And truth be told, if a man was JUST looking to start a family in his 40s, I’d be seriously turned off anyway(even if I still could have kids, which I can’t since I no longer have the parts for it). Who wants to be dealing with little kids that late in life?

Someone told you the prince is coming and all the guys acting like princes are usually users and con artists. I think it’s about being sweet, smiley and bubbly. Be nice and dont follow the stereotypical black girl traits .